Yes it hurts, it will always hurt.

I realized that I put literal blood, sweat, and, tears into something just to get validation from my peers and colleagues. And year after year, I'd cry and have multiple mental breakdowns due to excessive and over exertion just so I can improve myself in their eyes. And I did but I think, I got too attached to what ever validation I got.

Having my blessings removed by the very people I thought I already proved my worth to made me realize that the only person I have to remember to be worthy to is myself... I kinda forgot that in the midst of all the problems I've been facing. A million things were going wrong.

And everything made me realize that it was time to leave. It's time to leave the place I've enclosed myself in for over 5 years because it's time to grow up and face new things. I kept telling myself that I wanted to be successful but I didnt really put action into it. I just told everyone and myself. Empty words. No action until putting action was my only way to survive. And I did. A few months ago, if you told me everything would be okay, I'd probably break down, cry and pity myself because I'd think that it was too impossible for me to happy again. And yet, now, I'm already more happy than sad. I havent been like this in a long time, I haven't been truly genuinely happy since, ever, I think. So now, I'm no longer angry. I'm thankful. Yes it hurts, and it will always hurt, but I'm thankful for every bullshit thing that came to my life that past few months because without them, I would've still been in a life plateau with nothing happening in my life, and I wouldn't be this happy at all.