An open letter to the guy who HAD my heart

You're funny, intelligent, handsome, and kind. I like you. No, It's been years and I know I love you. All of you, with all my heart.

Just right now, as I'm writing this, your name lit up my phone and my heart skipped a beat. I used to laugh at my disposition but now, it makes me angry. Sometimes you makes me feel like I can take on the world but more often than not, you treat me like I'm replaceable and invisible. I mean, yeah, we have our moments, but those moments are just what they are: moments. Something to remember when I want to feel butterflies in my stomach but not something I can hold on to forever.

This year, one of my goals is a label from you so I know where we're headed, whether it's the girlfriend or girl friend. I will take it with a smile and a thank you. If you don't return my feelings, I would assume that you think I've wasted years pinning for you, but I don't see it that way at all. You've been one of the biggest inspiration in my life specially through out college. I honestly don't know if I could've gone through without you. Most, if not all of my achievements, I had you in mind. Because of you, I continously aimed to do my best in each aspects of my life so I would be worthy of an intelligent, hard working, virtuous and humble person. In all those time, I made myself a better person than who I was years ago. I used to settle for passing grades but knowing that you were studious made me studious. You gave me the drive to aim for the stars as you was named of.

I have to say though, it hurts. It hurts to love someone but not recieve that same love back. It hurts to see you everyday but not be with you. It hurts to know that I might never be who you want me to be. It hurts that I'm not enough. It hurts. So much. But we are supposed to get hurt, right? So we can learn? So we can live? I know my heart will be crushed in the process of letting you go and I know you will take the most to heal, but I want to say, I had the time of my life being inspired by you.

If you do read this, I wan't to say thank you.

If I'm wrong and you do have feelings, please say something. Please.

But, if I'm right, and I can only be your friend, I'll be okay. I always am.

Sincerely,

A hurting but fine heart